• A new dating trend dubbed “Shrekking” has gone viral online, sparking debate among singles entering cuffing season.
• The term refers to dating someone less conventionally attractive in hopes of being treated better—but often backfiring.
• Experts warn the concept reduces relationships to hierarchies and overlooks deeper values like respect and compatibility.

LOS ANGELES, Calif. (TDR) — Just when it seemed modern romance couldn’t get any more complicated, a new piece of dating slang has entered the lexicon: Shrekking. The trend, inspired by the unlikely love story of Shrek and Princess Fiona, is already sparking conversations across TikTok, X, and dating forums about the strange ways people rationalize their choices in pursuit of affection.

What “Shrekking” Really Means

The premise is simple—and bleak. Shrekking refers to intentionally dating someone you consider less attractive than your “usual type,” on the assumption that they’ll treat you better than the so-called hot options. But when that lower-stakes romance still results in heartbreak or disappointment, participants say they’ve been “Shrekked.”

With cuffing season approaching—the autumn and winter months where singles feel increased pressure to settle into relationships—the term has spread quickly online, becoming the latest in a long line of buzzwords like “cookie jarring,” “roaching,” and “zombieing.”

Social Media Reacts With Humor—and Horror

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The online chatter has been relentless. One X user quipped, “So now there’s Shrekking. Dating someone that’s unattractive in hopes that they’ll treat you better.” Another joked, “When you get the super hot girlfriend but it’s during the Shrekking trend.”

Others expressed fatigue with the never-ending carousel of dating terminology. “Orbiting and breadcrumbing are ancient history. Just learned about Shrekking and cookie jarring,” one person complained. “Dating isn’t a love life anymore, it’s a side quest.”

Still, the term has resonated with many who recognize the underlying behavior. As one commenter put it: “Ghosting, lovebombing, breadcrumbing, Shrekking… modern dating needs a whole semester worth of lectures.”

Experts: The Behavior Isn’t New, But the Label Is

According to dating coach Amy Chan, the word might be new, but the behavior is as old as dating itself. “Plenty of people have put looks lower on the list or hoped attraction would grow over time, and that in itself isn’t a bad thing,” Chan told USA Today. “Where it backfires is when someone assumes that just because they’re dating ‘down’ in looks, they’ll automatically be treated better.”

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In other words, placing someone in a so-called hierarchy based on appearance doesn’t guarantee respect, commitment, or kindness. Reducing partners to a “fit factor” scale only reinforces toxic dynamics that distract from the real building blocks of relationships.

The Problem With Dating Hierarchies

The darker side of Shrekking lies in its assumptions. If people believe dating “down” ensures loyalty or compassion, they’re setting themselves up for disappointment while perpetuating the idea that attractiveness determines behavior. Critics say it dehumanizes potential partners, turning them into experiments in risk management rather than individuals worthy of authentic connection.

As psychologists often note, compatibility stems from shared values, communication styles, and long-term goals—not a simplistic ranking of physical appeal. Respect and cruelty, love and indifference, generosity and selfishness—these qualities cut across all appearance levels.

A Reflection of Modern Dating Fatigue

Why do these terms keep emerging? Experts point to digital dating culture, where apps gamify romance and encourage rapid judgments based on photos. The resulting burnout makes singles latch onto simplified labels like “Shrekking” to explain disappointments. Yet as humorous as these buzzwords can be, they may also normalize cynical approaches to dating, where people treat relationships as transactions instead of opportunities for genuine connection.

Will Shrekking be just another fleeting addition to the dating dictionary—or a sign that modern romance has lost touch with what truly matters?

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